The little curve in the small of my back is the bane of my life! It seems a hotspot for many practitioners and teachers to hone in on and give me well meaning guidance on how to change it.
Each time this happens I feel a little bit of rage (on a bad day) or frustration (on a good day) boil up in me and I want to scream 'Can we please all just get over the existence of this apparently excessively curved part of my body?!" My 'over-tight' hip flexors being drilled into falls almost into the same frustration camp and woe betide anyone pointing out both of these 'flaws' of mine!.
My frustration comes because I know how much self work I have done over the years. I know how less curved my lower back is, how much more I can rotate my hips and open my pelvis. I know my sticking points and I know where I can't move (yet) but I also understand my sacrum and it's positioning and I know just how near I am to bringing that lower part of my spine into alignment with the rest of me. Patience, determination and perseverance all sit in that part of body in abundance, yet what I hear too often (or choose to hear) is 'change that' or 'your back shouldn't be like that'.
There is no one more critical of myself than me. I work hard at not being so critical, and instead being more accepting, of myself. Yet, when this area of me is focused in on, my self talk becomes negative and in an instance I can wipe out all the good that I have done for myself over the years. My curvy little back becomes a devil taunting me and telling me that I'm 'still not good enough' and everyone can see this. This deep held belief has been my downfall for most of my life. Even through all my successes and achievements those words have haunted me and stopped me from ever enjoying the fruits of all my labours. Yes, they have driven me to achieve many things which I may otherwise not have, but they have also prevented me from reflecting on the wonderfulness of my life and all that it contains.
So, given that you now know this, you can imagine my gut reaction when at yoga this morning the teacher came over to seemingly correct my back. I have wanted to go to this teacher's class for so long as I love her energy and way of seeing the world. I know that she sees the whole person and that I would feel safe with her. But as she came over I felt my defences rise and my jaw stiffened in anticipation. And then she said it.......
'You have lots of strength here in your back (touching said wee curvy bit). Can you use it to lift you even higher....?"
Right there and then I could have cried (I probably would have if I wasn't just relishing in the wisdom of her words!). This was exactly what I needed to hear. My inner being rejoiced in be recognised and respected. Those negative words that come too quick to me were nowhere. Instead there was an internal choir chorusing 'yes I can, I know I can, please show me how, please show me!'.
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| Pose of the day |
As she gently guided me and placed my alignment I felt a big beam of energy throughout my spine and I knew that this was right. It felt amazing. She asked me if it felt weird and I couldn't answer. I just couldn't believe that I finally had length in my lower spine. It felt different from what I imagined, and it was much more fluid than I could have guessed. So in that sense, it felt weird, but more so it just felt easy being there. As we moved down to the floor I felt a wave of letting go in my lower abdomen and throughout my internal organs. I was glowing inside and out from my achievement and I lay there and basked in it, in all its glory!
As the day has moved on I can feel the old physical pattern returning a little, and I've lost the strength of the new sensation. But I know now that I can do it and each time I do it will come back stronger and it will stay with me longer.
The reason I tell you this story is two-fold:
Words can do so much. And by this I mean both our internal and our external words. They can help or they can hinder. Positive words can impact far more than we may actually realise. They may be just what someone needs to hear at a certain point in time.
Judge not by what you see. For while that person may appear to be strong, confident and capable, inside can be a different story.
In the words of Atticus Finch in 'To Kill a Mockingbird' (written by Harper Lee):
"You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb into his skin and walk around in it."
One of my very favourite quotes, and words to live life by. So be kind and positive in your words and intent - you never know who you'll be helping find their alignment.
That is all folk, speak again soon....
CT :-) xx
