Hold that space

'Holding space' is one of the most selfless and loving things that we can do for another person. It is being there for someone when they cannot hold themselves alone. It is providing safe and solid ground for them to be completely where they are at, doing what they need to do.

While everyone is capable of doing this for another, some can feel that they must DO something in order to be helping. Infact, doing something usually invades the space with our own thoughts, believes and perceptions which can at best influence the other person, potentially it can dislodge and destabilise them. Being there, just being there, creates a safety and acceptance that lets the other person express what they need to without fear of judgement, criticism or opinion. You can guide when appropriate or when asked to, but ultimately the person need to work things out for themself and walk their own path.

Holding space means putting your own agendas to the side, quietening your own internal chatter and stepping back from being involved while remaining completely in it. It means looking for nothing in return, sharing your love and wisdom unconditionally and being void of outcome. It takes strength and self assurance to hold space for someone. Most importantly, it needs love for and faith in the other person's ability to work out what they need. You can hold space for your closest friend, for a stranger or for yourself as long as you approach it with love, faith and compassion.

You know you are holding space when you can recognise the potency of a pause without trying to fill it. It is to not know what is coming next or what you will say, yet choosing to stay rather than walk and to take things moment by moment. It is being able to feel the crest of a wave, not knowing at which point it will crash, if it will crash, but having confidence that you can ride with it into calmer waters.

When space is held for me it feels like I can breath a sigh of relief. I feel I have all the time in the world to get in touch with what's deep inside and face it fearlessly while someone holds my hand. I let parts of me out that I usually choose to hide from the world, and to hide from myself at times. I feel that I can look at the chaos of my thoughts outside of my head and take the time to let the clarity appear. Importantly for me I feel an acknowledgement that I know myself what it is that I need and that I will work it out in my own time. When space is held for me, I feel supported, respected, loved and accepted.

Eventually things clear and the potency of the space dissipates. Emotions settle and a new normality returns. The space closes and things move on, both of you having shared an experience yet with no expectations of each other going forward.

I know that I have been asked to hold space for others before and I hope that I have done them justice and served them well. I have felt humbled to have been allowed into that space in the first place and I have come away with a greater understanding of things that I don't even know how to explain.

Learning to do nothing and to just be and to be there is a skill that is enriching behind words. It quite literally makes the world a better place.

To those of you who have held space for me, knowingly or otherwise, I thank you for your strength. You are my angels and I am filled with gratitude and love for that time that you unselfishly gave to me.

CT xxx

Move from your heart

Did you know that as an embryo your arms developed before your legs did? Or that your heart was beating and developing before your brain was even on the horizon? 

I didn't until I studied this video the other week. It's fascinating stuff. Have a look! 

It gave me a new perspective on movement and my interest in bringing our own patterns back to the essence of who we are.    

The arms essentially originate from the heart, and come straight out of the body and around it. It looks like a big hug to me! A huge big hug from the heart saying "Here I am world". This really interested me as I thought about how we use, or don't use, our arms to express our heart. 

Arms are a tremendous source of our expression. When I see someone talking passionately I often notice the use of their arms to add more vigour and depth to their subject. As they get more involved in their subject the gesticulations can get bigger, involving the whole of their arms, the space around them and eventually the whole of their body. I see  it as a real symbol of talking from the heart. I often admire this sight as I 'found' my arms quite late in life. I never crawled, so never developed the full function of weight bearing on them. That coupled with being a shy, unconfident and fearful child meant that I either kept my arms by my side, or hanging onto my mother's hand for reassurance. Even during my pilates training I hated learning the upper body exercises with the group as I felt so exposed and vulnerable. Rationally I knew this was ridiculous, but emotionally it was very real for me.  

I think that in some ways many of us have lost the full expression of our arms. We spend a lot of time with little gadgets in our hands, working away with great finger dexterity, but keeping our arms quite close in to our body and expressing through our gadgets rather than with our body. Very often I hear people telling me that their shoulders or arms are weak. My feeling is that arms and shoulders are often restricted from movement, natural movement, and simply moving them more to begin with starts to unlock some of the strength within, which can then be channelled into more specific movements and activities as they start to find some freedom.*

For me, an 'arm-shy' mover, I took things slowly to begin with and I became curious to the movement. I pushed things and I pulled things. I tried swinging my arms more when I walked and using them a little more when explaining things. I also threw them about a bit in the privacy of my own room while playing music (I believe it's called dancing!). 

What I did discover is that moving my arms gave me a real sense of joy. Give me a down dog in yoga and I'm a happy bunny. Let me hug those I love and I sigh with bliss. When I exercise my arms now I have  a sense of strength that my legs have never given me. 

What I love more than anything about this embryology video therefore is the very real and original connection that our arms have with our heart. The arms' movement comes from the heart, both literally and metaphorically.  And when I close my eyes and imagine my movement as an embryo, discovering and then extending my arms from my centre, before I was even conscious of it, I can't help but feel a deep sense of internal power, growth and potential. It connects me deeply with my essence and taps into a part of me that I very rarely consider. I find that exciting! 

If you're arm-shy in any sense, close your eyes and picture yourself as this embryo (you WERE an embryo once!), feel your arms developing and giving you form. Feel them growing from your heart and your essence. What do those arms say? What do you want them to do? Where are they being restricted?

You may come up with some amazing new insights about yourself! I know I did! 

 CT :-) x 

* certain shoulder pathologies may need more formal and individualised guidance to movement 
    

What do you see?

A most beautiful thing happened in class yesterday.

One of the class members exclaimed 'Oh my goodness!' as we transitioned from floor to standing. Knowing that she currently has a hip issue, which is causing her pain, I admit that this was my first inclination as to why she was crying out.

But, as I looked over I saw that she was standing transfixed by something that had caught her eye outside of the window. ‘Look!’, she said and so we all went to the window to see what it was that had grabbed her attention so remarkably.

But we couldn’t see what she was looking at. ‘The tree,’ she said. ‘Look at the tree’. Again we couldn’t see what she meant.

‘Look how beautiful it is….’

And then we saw! There in the churchyard opposite stood the most gloriously red tree silhouetted by the surrounding greens and browns. We had seen it, but hadn't really looked at it. And so we all stood and marvelled at its beauty and its presence. It was exceptionally beautiful. For a few moments all we were focused on was the tree. Everything else was forgotten and nothing seemed to matter. 

At this point, I remembered the ‘hidden’ art installation (see picture) that lives within the trees in that churchyard and asked who had noticed it. Some had. Others didn’t know it was there. We had all however at some point walked past it many times, oblivious to its presence, until it had been pointed out to us. Once it has been you can't help but look at it. 

We pondered for a moment.

Our original ‘tree spotter’ apologised for distracting us from our pilates. I thanked her. Not for her apology, but for allowing us to see what she sees. The moment had connected us all. An apology was far from needed.

As I then guided the class through some movements I marvelled at the sight in front of me. Everybody moved so well and with such ease. My heart sang as I observed. I shared this with them and reflected on the movement journey that we have come on together. One class member was surprised that I saw a difference. Not because she didn’t feel it herself, she said, but she was surprised that I could see the difference. In turn, I remarked that I was surprised she didn't know that I could see how wonderfully she moved (it is a delight to see). 

We pondered.... And then continued to move and flow. 

And today, I am still pondering, that wondrous class of yesterday. I believe we each in our own way opened our eyes a little more yesterday and left the room with new insight into each other and the world around us. 

It truly was a beautiful hour of movement. 

CT :-) xx