I'm not long back from a run where I was having a wee think to myself..... Actually, I guess you could say that I was overall having a big think to myself, made up from lots of little thinks.
And that got me thinking...!
I have been told before, infact I've been told a lot, that I think too much. When I've perhaps in the past given a description of my running to someone before, they've often breathed in and said something along the lines of 'jeez, can't you just go for a run and enjoy it'. Yes, thank you very much I can, but I can't and certainly don't intend to switch off my awareness when I'm running.... I'm uber aware, that's me. I enjoy that! So if you ask me to feel what's happening when I run you are very definitely going to get more from me than just 'it was fine', 'my left knee was a bit niggly', 'my right foot felt flatter' etc. You are going to get every single little bit of movement that's going on, and that's without also telling you what's going on in my mind (which is usually WAY more!)!
And I was thinking about all this today as I was running!
I was enjoying my first run in a couple of weeks and was just feeling. Simply feeling, that's all. I wondered what would happen if I let my right leg relax more into its swing forward (which I know I could do with doing). How did that change my foot landing? Where else did it change? How did that all feel? It felt strange, but not awkward. It changed how I perceived my running. I was allowing the ground to receive and guide me, rather than smashing down onto it and twisting off it. There was a millisecond of surrender before accepting help from the ground and enjoying a greater push off and acceleration than I was used to. Hmmm, that makes sense to me! I'll often resist help to the detriment of myself! Yet, by relaxing my swinging leg, I can see that accepting help is probably a good thing to do and actually is likely to take me forward so much further easier. By thinking when I run I learn to trust a far greater concept than just how to swing my leg forward.
I also wondered what would happen if I softened my lower ribs which I know tend to protrude forward when I move. My ribs tend to lead my alignment rather than being a part within my overall alignment. The result of the softening was that I breathed easier and deeper. My forward motion came more from the back of me pushing me forward rather than the front of me dragging me forward. I had to work harder to run from my hips and I had no idea at all how I was landing. I was also aware that when I felt that I was running 'too slow' or when I ran past a few people, my ribcage swung back up and led the way. Aaaah, my ribcage run is my ego, I realised. No real surprise to me, but clear proof to me that when my ego tells me to 'run better' then I resort back to the athlete run that I used to have (I had a textbook perfect run - forefoot, high hips, lifted chest, perfect lean - which it turns out in hindsight that I did not actually have a foundationally good enough alignment on which to build that 'textbook' run in the first place). When my ribcage lifted in today's run I immediately felt my breath stifle, my pelvic floor tense and my feet harden. So when I pamper to my ego, things might well look good on the outside, but inside it feels all wrong and is ultimately detrimental for me... Now isn't that a reflection of life!
None of this is news to me! It's pretty much how I roll! I thrive on those moments of connection when I fully see the metaphor of my overall life that is being presented to me by my movement. During the last few years these connections have become deeper and I am able to connect much more to an overall wholeness of movement and my life as opposed to just the sum of parts.
But what I was more so thinking was that I wouldn't have got here without all that thinking! Thinking and questioning helped me sort the wheat from the chaff! And actually, with my focus on this and my body, I am NOT thinking about other stuff which frankly I could definitely do without spending too much thinking about. When I run I am completely with myself, and I am completely in the moment. And all this thinking that goes on in those moments allows me to discover myself in a completely different way from anywhere else in my life. It is precisely BECAUSE of all this thinking that I have truly found a good alignment for myself when I run, which transfers into all other areas of my life. And in that sense my running is my meditation.
Which again got me thinking! In life we are never fully still. Our body is always moving in some sense. To try to be completely still actually brings rigidity and tension. So maybe we should allow our mind some slack and NOT strive for the ultimate stillness of mind. Just as I believe it's not about the amount that we move, but more the quality of that movement and what we do with it, then surely that's the same with our internal chatter? If it's positive and we're learning from it then isn't that ok....?
But then who am I to suggest anything, maybe I just I think too much...... ;-)
Til tomorrow folks.... :-)
CT :-) X
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