I've slowed down, and I'm getting more done! And I've got more time! How does that happen??!!
It happens quite simply because I'm now only doing the things that I want, or need to do. Selfish? Maybe in some people's eyes it is. But from this point of view it's completely the opposite. It's looking after me, in order to be there for others.
I consciously decided to slow down a few weeks ago. I was fed up always feeling that I never had enough time, fed up flopping into bed, fed up putting friends off because I either needed to catch up on things I hadn't done, or because I was too tired to make conversation. I was fed up feeling that the weekend was never long enough! And I was fed up feeling that I had a long list of things that I wanted to do, but I never seemed to have the time or energy to actually do.
I saw an enforced change in my routine as an opportunity to change things. So I did.
I took 20 minutes each morning to write 'unconsciously' and I took 10 minutes each evening to 'just breathe'. This, I decided, was important in my new routine, if indeed there was even going to be going to be a routine as such. Taking this 30 minutes each day for me has reaped so much benefit and gained me so much time.
Writing each morning reflected hard back to me about the speed that my mind was rushing along at. The speed of my hand symbolised it too! I was rushing to get words out, trying to keep up with my mind. My writing was illegible and the words were drivel. Over a few days I slowed the pace of my writing down and I could feel my body, and my mind, relaxing. I realised that I was probably writing about the same amount, but the words were legible and my once neat handwriting was coming back to me (I haven't seen that for years!). More importantly I was writing about things that actually meant something to me! I stopped writing about the noise that was going on around about me, and which I realised was stressing me out and causing me needless and useless thoughts. I began to pick up from one day's writing to the next and began to thread things together. As my unconscious became my conscious I could see which thoughts were infecting my actions, and which thoughts needed to come through stronger. Through my writing I saw what was actually important for me and what thoughts were stopping me meeting those needs. The writing allowed me to 'think' through things and my body told me, as I wrote how I felt about these thoughts.
I'm still writing each morning. Each day I write with a clearer mind, and more relaxed body. I write slower, but I now write more. Each day I gain more from what I write. The words I write express my needs and because I see them in black and white each morning, I am now meeting more of my needs.
Breathing each evening has given me time to just be with my body and to feel. Breathing is key to movement and key to mindfulness. I was long overdue making this space in my day to breathe. Breathing each evening has once more slowed me down. In the beginning my nightly breathing was always fast and shallow and I could straight away feel the anxiety and stress that went with it. Slowing my breathing and focussing on just my breathe and its feel was the complete antithesis to my morning's brain splurge. Focusing just on my breath kept me out of my mind's chatter and instead I was completely in 'feel'. Gradually I have turned the volume down on words, and instead I have turned volume up on sensations and 'vibes'. In their own way these feelings allow me to 'think' in a completely different way. As I have learned to feel these new vibrations and sensations, i have found myself able to look for them during my day. When my mind becomes busy or gets caught up in noise, I can search for my breath and it tells me about what I need. And so my breathing practice has actually become the complete compliment to my writing.
Words have become feelings and feelings have become words. My breathe tells me about my writing and my writing tells me about my breathe. My writing shows when my breathing is not 'mine' and my breathing shows me when my words are not 'mine'. Through these two processes, from just 30 minutes a day, and by adding more into my life, I have simplified how I spend my time. I am at the forefront of how I spend that time because I now have to answer to myself at the beginning and end of each day. And if I'm not choosing me 'enough', then I am faced with it in crystal clear transparency.
While it hasn't felt easy to choose me and put my needs first, it has become easier. I have felt less responsible for others, and more responsible for me.
And ironically, the more that I have followed this direction, the more that I have felt able to do things for others and the more that I have been able to spend time with others. I have more energy for my work and more desire to socialise with others. And rather than having an endless list of things that I want to get around to doing, I am gradually doing more and more small things each day. My time is more joyful, and I believe as a result that I am a more joyful person to be around. That has to be a good thing for everybody?!
So if anyone asks me how to get more time in their day or how they can get more done, I'm going to say: Stop. Slow down. Realise how much time and energy you are wasting on needless thoughts and actions. Understand how much of your life you are spending meeting others peoples needs, yet putting yours to the back of the queue. Spend more time with yourself. Trust that this will give you what you need, and will clear the chaos. Know that this will make life simpler, yet more fulfilling.
The process that worked for me was words and breathe. For you it may be different. But if you don't know where to start then perhaps it's worth a go. You never know, you may get even more than just time and a feeling of achievement. You might even get more inner calm and joy!
And so, with that thought, I am off to breathe and be with myself.
CT :-) Xx
No comments:
Post a Comment