50 DAY BLOG: Day 5: It's time to get ok with being unhappy

We can never be ‘happy’ all the time.

My apologies for delivering that blunt statement – but it’s true! We are not programmed to be happy all the time, so believing it to be so and seeking permanent happiness is a sure safe way to being less happy in your life than you can be!

Achieving overall ‘happiness’ as we call it, is to me actually about reaching ‘contentment’ and being overall grateful of and satisfied with the life you are leading and the way that you are choosing to live it.

So why can't we be happy all the time? Because it's in our chemicals not to be!

Happiness is regulated by 5 primary chemicals in the brain. It is the balance and ebb and flow of these in our system that determine our overall level of ‘contentment’. Each chemical is released in response to various situations and actions.

ENDORPHIN:

Endorphin is a natural morphine. It masks pain, so that we can carry on with things when we are in physical pain. For our ancestors it was necessary for survival (to get away from danger when injured). Generally it is these days associated more with an exercise ‘high’. Endorphin is a good thing, in small regulated doses. Problems arise if we seek endorphins all the time as our way of feeling happy

DOPAMINE:

Dopamine is our reward system. It released when we have a sense of achievement. So finishing a project, reaching a finish line, doing something you never thought you could all give us dopamine.

OXYTOCIN:

Oxytocin is triggered by trust. Being touched by those we love releases significant doses of oxytocin, which is why being kissed and cuddled feels good. It is also why having a pet can be stimulating for those who live alone, and why massage can feel healing.  Being around like-minded people can also raise our oxytocin levels.

SEROTONIN:

Confidence triggers serotonin as does feeling respected. It is why we feel good when we win, or are commended or praised for something.

CORTISOL:

Cortisol is pretty different from the other 4. Cortisol feels bad! It alerts us to any threats, even subtle ones and is felt particularly strongly when not masked by any of the other four happy signals.

Problems arise in the balance if we seek our happiness from only one or two sources, taking them to extreme, and when we use them to mask the feeling of cortisol in our system. We need to get used to being ok with the feeling of ‘not being happy’ because cortisol it is always present. We need it for our survival. The longer that we try to mask the feeling that cortisol gives us, and the more extreme the measures we use to do so, the more of a shock to the system it will be when we do feel it. So as uncomfortable as it can be at times, allowing ourselves to feel unhappy (AND importantly reaching a place where we accept and our bodies can recognise that it will pass*) is ironically our key to a more balanced and over all contented life.

Til tomorrow, folks xx

*in cases of clinical depression the imbalance is extreme. Recovery needs a longer term and multi-faceted approach to bringing about a healthy balance (as does addiction).