Coz you gotta have faith (or stick with the fungus!): 50 Day blog - day 44

Ok, so I have to be honest, I've wobbled a little bit the last couple of days on my 'detox'. (Yes, They are my toenails!) This is my first detox, and it's a big thing for me! I've absolutely stuck 100% to the foods that I need to through thick and thin, but I've allowed doubt to creep in a little. 

Doing a detox is a big thing for me. It's my first, which some people find quite incredulous given my attitude to health and wellbeing. But nope, I've never done a detox, I just did anorexia (and then years and years of bulimia) instead! 

Having struggled throughout my 20s and early 30s with eating disorders, I spent a lot of years, and a huge amount of determination, getting to a place where no foods were restricted, where food (and my body) stopped being the enemy, and my mental health was, well, healthy. It was undoubtedly the hardest thing I have ever done, but I did it nonetheless. It has made me who I am today, which I'll forever be thankful for. 

To now put food right back up there at the fore, well, it's quite a thing really! And the doubts? They sounded a bit like this in my head yesterday:

• What if it's true that I will always be susceptible to eating issues, as I've been told before?
• What if I go mad for food again at the end of this and have a massive binge?
• What if I lose weight and I like it so much that I can't stop?   
• What if others think that I am developing an eating disorder?! 
• What if it doesn't work and it doesn't heal my toenails?

Doubt is an infectious wee bugger if you allow it to take hold of you.

I have never accepted that I will be vulnerable to eating issues for the rest of my life, so why now? And I fundamentally believe that nutrition (along with movement and positive thinking) is the best medicine. So why should I think any different now??? Why the doubts? 

The doubts are here because this is new to me, because I feel vulnerable, and because I feel like I'm getting through on faith alone. 

So really the doubts are just there because I'm questioning my faith. That has to be an ok thing to do? Really I'm just checking in with where I am at, and consciously deciding whether to go forward or to retreat. When faced with that, then it's always forward for me, and if a sense of faith is what guides me forward then, I guess it's good enough for me. Faith's got me through lot harder before, this is small stuff! I believe i'll come out of this detox a healthier and stronger person (and with beautiful toenails to come), and if I just keep reminding myself of that, then the rest is plain sailing. 

A little inspiration doesn't go amiss however, so please let me share with you this amazing Youtube diary clip of Arthur Boorman which I have watched many a time before, and several times today. I still can't watch it without crying. 

I guarantee that you'll feel ready for anything after seeing this :-)  

"The truth is that our finest moments are likely to occur, when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers" M.Scott Peck